Abuse & Divorce – Dysfunctional Behaviors Forced Me To File
She hit me in the back of the head and then pushed me down the stairs.The abuse would soon rule to me filing for a divorce. On one event as I was trying to just separate myself from her in the house, I made it to the spare bedroom. Relentless in her pursuit of wanting to argue, she followed me in there. As I turned away I said, “I don’t care to talk right now” she then began hitting me in the back. The blows forced me confront forward into the corner and I knelt down and began to pray. I stayed in that position until she stopped kicking me in the back and left the room.
As a man with great spiritual, emotional and physical strength my patience continued to use thin. Finally, her continued complaining, badgering, threats to divorce me and abusive behavior in every imaginable form forced me to file the papers. What had started out to be a wonderful marriage ended with a bitter and expensive divorce. The only thing that was worth fighting for was the house with the white picket fence. Her irrational behavior fueled by her addictions to pain pills, Adora l and alcohol soon caused the whole course of action to become an expensive nightmare.
Once I retained an attorney and the papers were filed, my soon to be ex-mother- in- law joined the battle. Between the two of them, and there cunning schemes, I ultimately settled for less than what I should have. Although I will never know the complete dysfunctional plan that they devised, the first step started with the wife not retaining an attorney. This caused a horrible ripple effect because every time she would be required to file a paper or respond to a request for discovery, she would do it wrong. While it was costing her nothing but time, it was costing me $185 dollars per hour for my attorney to address the pathetic mess that she was making. Finally, about 8 months after I had filed for the divorce, she finally retained an attorney. At this point I am pretty sure that I had spent close to seven thousand dollars. This brought us to the place where she offered a settlement to buy me out. I accepted less than I was due but it was better than going all the way to court and ending up with nothing or possibly owing my attorney money.
I now live by myself and have a very peaceful life. There are no eggshells on the floor to walk on when I get home from work and no mind games to be played. Living in an abusive situation is very difficult. I suppose that my story may be rare in that I am a man. I am strong enough to have fought back and won. It took already greater strength to try to remove myself from the argument. As I look back on it all, I surprise if she was trying to get me to hit her so I would be removed from the house for domestic violence, that’s her story though. Yes, she was arrested for hitting me in front of one of the children, arrested and removed from the house for a period of two weeks until we had a trial.
I have been divorced for three years and nevertheless am dealing with the abusive behavior that was inflicted on me. I have chosen to allow myself sufficient time to heal by not getting involved with anyone else. She, however, got involved with someone within three months of our initial separation and was living with her new boyfriend during the complete time we were divorcing. All I can say is that I am a much better individual today because of all of the therapy groups I have attended to help me cope with living with an active alcoholic, drug addict and abuser. If you’re in a situation similar to mine, find a sustain group as quick as possible. You will never be able to keep your sanity on your own.